I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
