you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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