ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
