it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
