I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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