I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
