So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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