It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
