I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
