I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
3pm strippers are depressing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize