i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
