dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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