well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
