The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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