He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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