I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone signed my nipple.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
