I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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