he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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