Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
