I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
