she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
