Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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