Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
