Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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