why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
