Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
