It's just like the Real World with babies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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