Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
