When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
