yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just invented taco cereal.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
