My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In America we eat man semen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
