Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
