I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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