summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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