So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
