I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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