I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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