a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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