Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
