bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
