this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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