i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
