Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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