wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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