So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
