My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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