Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Alive.
So much puke
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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