wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
