she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
