I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
