She is in my trunk
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
