I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
