I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
