Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
