I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
