Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
