Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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