this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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