i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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