dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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