Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
