Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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