when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
