You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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