I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
