you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
